eighty.five.

dear friend,

i drove home tonight with the windows down because my car (duncan) told me that it was 80*.  and it sure felt like it.  hair blowing in the wind, nice breeze that wasn’t at all chilly, and just the tail end of a fever so i was able to enjoy it all without worrying about sneezing.

but then the drive outta the valley started to end and by the time i got home, twas 71*.  meh, not as fun.

i suppose the day off yesterday worked.  i feel better.  not completely over my sickness by any means, of course.  still coughing and sniffling all day.  one of the managers even told me to go home because i “sounded terrible.”  but you know me, little worker “b.”  buzz buzz.

paid off, i got to go to lunch with management.  yee haw.  i mean yeah, it was a “business meeting,” but really– how business can you get if you’re at a joint that serves kang kong, garlic rice, lumpia & pusit?  i get an A+ for stuffng my face on the company bill.  no need to worry, i was listening… as i was reaching for the vinegar.  gotta admit, good discussion was held.  filipinos, Hi-Fi & health care.  to be continued…

i spent the evening at home listening to tagalog pop songs & reminiscing about my trip last summer to the philippines.  in doing so, i have a new mid-year resolution.  if you’re keeping track, this is in addition to that pesky gym membership i told you about in a previous letter.  i am dusting off the dictionary and taking another shot at tagalog.  i have asked for some assistance from a certain “other,” who shall remain nameless.  as i told my cousin/niece last year, i can learn tons of tagalog words, im sure.  however, it’s trying to put them in a sentence that i stumble on.

i’ve managed to squeak past the seniors with the phrase, “ako si beverly.  sorry, po, very little ang tagalog ko.“  then they laugh.  i can’t tell if it’s out of amusement, kindness or pity.  maybe a combination of the three.  when i told one manong last week that my parents never taught me tagalog he responded, “ah ha!  so it is the parents that should be blamed!  whenever you young people come to visit, it is as if you are not really pilipino because you do not know our language!,”  (mind you, he wasn’t yelling, just really into what he was saying) “you should learn tagalog, it is the language of your ancestors!” then he smiled & offered me cookies and continued his cha-cha dancing.

fasho, lolo.  i mean, opo.

i’ve also made it an appoint to break out the paintbrushes and get to art-ing sometime soon.  it’s been a while.  yay, mid-year fun =)

-bev

eighty.four.

dear friend,

i am sure that i will add to this letter as the day goes on.  i am at home on a tuesday afternoon.  my throat is killing me and my nose is stuffy.

yep– sick day.

oddly, i have been productive.  i am currently purging my room of old clothes, now ready to be shipped to the philippines (mom always manages to have a balikbayan box on hand for just this reason).  i spoke with the best friend up in  San Jose and caught up for a bit.  we spoke of work, and life, and love… then her lunch break was over and i went back to cleaning.  i’ve cleaned up my shelf & tossed away bags of things.

too bad i have a fever.

sadly, i’d much rather be at work.  has it really come to this?  i’ve reached a point where i enjoy being at work more than being at home.  i remember when i’d look forward to staying home and vegging out.  now i can’t wait to get back to the daily grind.

how odd.

-bev

eighty.three.

dear friend,

i really don’t want to admit it, but i sung along with the jonas brothers when they were on the radio.  it’s catchy, so stone me.  plus i finally figured out what they’re saying… “and i’m slippin’ into the lava” … i didn’t know that for the longest time!  L-A-V-A.  that’s why they’re burning, burning up for you, baaaaby.

i finally befriended the xerox machine this morning.  twas the first day of tagalog class and i had some last minute copying to do.  now someone, i dunno who, left last nite before clearing up a paper jam.  when i turned on the copier all i got was the blinky red light. somehow, i dunno how, i was able to coax stray papers outta the thing and get it working.  high five for me.  then i went to sit at the registration table and a few minutes into, one of the parents comes by to ask me “wheres the bathroom???!” and outta nowhere, her son comes up to her side and yaks on the floor.  i direct her to the bano ASAP and scurry to clean up the mess.  eww.  where was this in the job description again?

“kids are so volatile,” says my manager.  you’re telling me, buddy.  you’re telling me.

the first day of tagalog school was a breeze.  the student-to-teacher ratio is pretty dope.  and i got to catch up with one of my friends that i met while i was volunteering!  cool beans.  the empanadas were also quite delicious.

went to WestCo afterwards to try and get some work done.  nuthin’ doin.  went home to nap.  went to chill.  then headed over to marc’s bday at the griffin.  i got to see folks i havent seen in months!  months!!  MONTHS!!

…months?

wow, i need to work on my social circles again.  months, really?  that means i either havent made a good effort or my relationships with folks are really starting to deteriorate.  it could also be that calendars get full and plans make folks busy, myself included.  but really, i need to reconnect with people and start establishing fruitful connections down here.  i can’t just keep on relying on the fact that i can just move up to the bay when the going’s get tough.  or dull.  or lonely.  or boring.  or uneventful.

h’okay, revaluation time!  semi-quasi-mid-new-year resolution:  [re]connect with folks.  clear out weekends and have a tea.  chat.  chop it up.  stop and smell the roses.

and also get to the gym.

-bev

eighty.two.

dear friend,

let me begin with a quote:

the only bird that can swim but not fly is the penguin.

-snapple fact #121

deep stuff, that peach iced tea.  made from the best and smartest stuff on earth, no doubt.

work started early today.  got to kick it with some of the manongs & manangs.  them’s the real OGs.  today’s lesson?  kali stick fighting… to the tune of no tengo dinero. morning workouts in HiFi, gotta love it.  then, back to the office for another long day of endless xeroxing.  i shudder to think of how many trees the copy machine ate today.  heaps of handouts for tagalog class, a gazillion registration forms, and more homework packets than i care to count.  and we can’t forget the occasional paper jam.  i muttered a few words to the copy machine today, too.

imma kill you.

on the bright side, we had online training today.  granted, it was a bit lengthy, but quite interesting.  we were webcam-ing live with a professor at university of hawai’i at manoa on FilAm course curriculum for kids!  tell me that ain’t interesting.  twas interactive, too.  how nice =)

then back to the copying.  not so nice.  sad thing is, today was supposed to be a half day & i ended up staying for the whole day.  me no likey.

so, thanks to the xerox machine who decided to eat a dozen or so pages, we ended up getting to the dodger/giants game late.  meh, s’ok… considering they lost tonight. despite that, i cheered on all the way til the last inning, clad in my dodger blue & munching away on overpriced nachos and my happy dodger dog.  honestly, and we all know this, i was rooting for both teams.  although, i dare not say that amidst a sea of blue and draft beer.  things coulda gotten ugly.  i’ll stick to my dodger dog, thank you.  go blue.

on a somewhat relatable tangent, me thinks about grad school.  back to the bay?  stay down here?  mayhaps hawai’i?  all possibilities.  i still don’t know if i have it in me to research and write papers all the livelong day, but high-ho high-ho, a masters degree in tow. it’d be nice to have an MA following my name, but as a friend told me “there is no progress without struggle.”  and a struggle it could be.

we shall see.

for the time being, i’ll stick to my dodger dog, thank you.

-bev

eighty.one.

dear friend,

who knew that an assemblyman could be such the homie?  i sure as hell didn’t, but dude hooked us up though.  props, man, props.  this job is getting more and more interesting by the minute.  also note: whoever invented high heels must not have worn them for 12 hours in a row.  to that person, for lack of a better word, YOU SUCK.

and in an effort to continue my self-improvement phase, today i stepped into a gym.  all hail guest passes, but this might be one of those investments that sounds good now and ends sour later.  i will be optimistic and say that i WILL use my gym membership.  i’ve heard all the hearsay about how much money the fitness world profits off of people who mean to use their membership but don’t.  let’s just hope i don’t turn into one of them.  i might, but like i said, i hope not to.  remember from previous post?  i’m a heffer.  treadmill is my friend.

i might be getting my math wrong, but i might have made more than 500 copies at work today.  imma kill that xerox machine one of these days.  it’s gonna look like the fax machine from office space.  hand me my bat…

on the bright side, i’m looking forward to later tonight.  dodger vs giants game!  oooowheee!  i get to cheer for both teams!  everyone’s a winner! let’s go both teams, let’s go [clap clap]!

-bev

eighty.

dear friend,

today marked exactly one year since i started working at my job.  today also marked a success in one of our campaigns!  what lovely timing.  i spoke with my brother about this and he never ceases to amaze me.  uplifting fellow, that guy.

“in a year expect more.”

okay.  i’ll do that.  good one.

happy anniversary, me =)  onwards!

-bev

seventy.nine.

dear friend,

damn.  i am a heffer.  i ordered carne asada fries after work today.  gluttony, thou art an evil temptress!  however, i was not satisfied when i saw the fries, carne asada and meat.  oh no.  i had to add to the gulity pleasure with a side order of sour cream and guacamole.

wash it down with a cold order of horchata.  fack.  i needs to detox.

“you deserve a break today,” sung McDonalds.  i agree.  and break came in the form of fatty, fried, oily goodness.  mind you, i don’t always eat like this but the red haired clown told me to.  ‘cept i ate at his cousin’s place.  alberto’s.  mmmmmmMMMMmmmm.

but, i had another reason for partaking in the goodness.  tis a tuesday.  tis a 3rd tuesday of the month.  and instead of listening to some good ol’ poetry, i was doing surveys in WestCo.  i mean, it wasn’t all bad– got some work done & got to kick it with one of our interns, but i miss being able to chill and take in verbal art.  carne asada fries were a sad attempt to make myself feel better for missing out.

but damn, those were some good fries.

i got home tonight relatively early.  now, my house has been going under a major overhaul and my room is the one that’s been lagging.  i’m always outta the house (err, try to be) so i’m never here to make decor decisions or clean up.  but i walk into my room today and find that it’s been halfway painted and rearragned.  most importantly, it’s CLEAN!  mom’s been up to her magic again.  i’m happy that she’s found something to do during the day, but i gotta admit that i feel guilty.  she’s not the one that’s supposed to be doing all of this.  she moved my bed, for goodness sakes, AND cleaned my desk.  that is no easy feat.  i suppose this is another case that i could file under misdirected love.

me thinks i had more to write about tonight, but them fries are starting to kick in.  whew.  i think i have to go lie down.  tummy ache.  i’ll try go to get back to you later.

remind me to buy some salad.

-bev

seventy.eight.

dear friend,

as expected, mother gave me one of those stern talks that are supposed to be suggestive.  as in “you should practice to let people always know where you are.  whether it’s your friend, your relatives, your husband”–

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA… did she just use the word “husband”?  i thought she wants me to be an old maid for the rest of my natural born life.  nice way to jump start the week, mom.  yes, i will comply.  tracking device in place.  check.  over and out.  roger that.

(oh, i’m not shrugging it off.  really.  now toss me a segue)

so for the next 3 days at work, both of my managers will not be in.  you know what this means?  oh yeah– pizza for the department.  party in the conference room.  w00t w00t.

(oh, not really.  i just think that sounds like it’d be fun.  back to work, you)

during the department meeting today, it was brought to my attention that i have not been doing the best that i could be doing.  that i could be doing more.  that the 12.5 days straight that i have been working is still somehow not enough.  maybe it wasn’t said in so many words, but that’s the gist.  to quote the wise lolcat: “i iz sad.”  forge on, you.  back to work yet again.

so in an effort to try and cheer myself up, i’ve been getting myself to sneeze then seeing if i can keep my eyes open as i sneeze.  to no avail.  more than 5 attempts, 2 of which were on the road.  nuthin.

impossible is nothing.  just do it.  a-choo.

-bev

seventy.seven.

dear friend,

i am treading very dangerous waters and i do not know how to swim.  i need your ear for this one.

i leave the house and around lunch time today and tell mother that i am going to a friend’s bday party luncheon.  all fine and dandy.  i get a frantic call around 7pm asking where i am.

“still at the party, mom.”

and her response?

“you need to call me and tell me where you are so i know where to look for you in case something goes wrong.  you left the house at lunch and it’s almost 8 and i don’t know where you are.”

i thought everything was okay.  i thought that i finally reached the point where i can go out and about with my little car and come home at a reasonable time.  and now i’m pretty sure she’s either mad or upset or crying because of me, her little “rebellious” daughter.  it’s around 11pm– this is considered late by her– and she is already in bed.  what’s more is that she didn’t even come to wish me good night.  something’s wrong and one of us is too hurt to say anything and the other is too stubborn to budge.

that would make me the mule, would it not?

yes yes yes, i am aware of the difficulty of raising a girl in the fast-paced times such as today.  i’ve seen the news, i’ve heard the statistics, and i am just as frightend as she is of what could “possibly happen.”  but on the other hand, i do enjoy living life to the fullest… or at least as much as i can within the rules of this house.

my younger brother left for his last year of college today.  he drove up all the way to the bay on his own.  and i, 2 years his senior, could probably never get permission to do the same.  likewise, i can’t come home at 2am unquestioned like he can, i can’t go to vegas with a significant other like he can, i can not have freedom like he can.  instead, i get the filipino guilt trip.

among the list of do not’s?  i am not allowed to drink.  i am not allowed to have a significant other.  i am not allowed to go out to clubs/bars/etc.  i can not go gallivanting!

wah wah wah, am i complaining?  mayhaps.  but i love the woman, i really do.  it is difficult not to with all of the things that she does.  love just makes itself evident in different ways.  we’re just not communicating on the same wavelength.

she shows love with neatly packed sandwiches ready to go before work, with patience when i run late for sunday morning mass, with cartons of guava juice for me in the fridge, with suggestions on how to do my hair when i get ready, with saying “darling” when she tries to wake me up on early mornings, with timidly asking for money during hard times, when asking for my opinion with what drapes match best with the decor.

and my love comes out in different ways, too.  i’m too busy trying to prove to her that her parenting skills have worked too well.  that i am becoming the independent, opinionated, self-reliant woman that she didn’t know she was raising.  my love is living up to the high standards that she drilled into my head, using the education that she sacrificed for me to get, and dressing the part just like she always taught me.  i am shaking hands, i am politely answering phones, i am saying “please” and “thank you.”

i eat my veggies every day, i wear clean underwear, i don’t point, i close my mouth when eating, and i shake my covers before hopping into bed.

see, it’s all there.  i’m just using her rules in different places, outside of where she can see. and that’s the hard part.  it just looks like im gallivanting too much.  but really, i’m using what she gave me and applying it differently!  now why can’t i swig a corona at 2am under the arm of my beau while doing so?

moving out would be too easy.  i can’t– nay, i shouldn’t run from this.  i just have to work around it and do like project runway: make it work.  meanwhile, i will be slamming away at the keyboard and venting until this pans out.

let the week begin.  please, do not let it begin in shouting bouts or tears.  me wants some bits o’ happy!

thanks for listening.  i trust to keep this between just us, eh?

seacrest out.

-bev

seventy.six.

dear friend,

a great mind once said, “it never rains in southern california,” although sometimes i wish it did.  not the cold kind, the warm type where you can still see the sun.  that’s where rainbows come from.  and lucky charms from what i’ve been told?

i wonder where coco puffs comes from.

today i walked in on a conversation that i shouldn’t have had.  shouldnt’ve?  uhh… i was not meant to hear it.  but the door was left wide open, so really, i was ‘upposed to hear it, right?  i sat down for a bit then caught on to the sensitivity of the matter and nonchalantly waltzed right on out.  some shit be goin’ down, son!  the tsismis whore in me wants to know all the juicy details, but nay– i shalt not covet yon personal bidness.

it reminded me about how much fun this workshop thing is.  i can read all i want to ’cause the door’s wide open, but they’re letters directed at someone so i shouldn’t reallllly be reading them.  i missed out during the summer, mang.  not writing and all.  c’est la vie.

i seemed to have developed a bad case of the sniffles.  a result of fluctuating sleep patterns, a 7-day work week, and a water balloon toss contest gone awry.   apparently, on sunday the kids at fpac saw the back of my shirt and instead of reading “staff” it said “target.”  i became the unsuspecting target of a gazillion waterballoons that launched through the air.  add a little chilly coastal breeze to the mix and it looks like you got yourself a sicky.

back to work, you.

i’m the stubborn type that won’t take any medicine and just ride the sniffles out.  tea, lotsa tea.  and i feel bad for taking a day off, too, even though i’ve been convinced that i should.  i wonder what i’ll do on my day off.  maybe i should drop by work.

gotcha.  i’ll catch a movie or something.  go on an adventure.  find the end of a rainbow…

or track down some coco puffs.

-bev